Tag Archives: D.R. Slaten

Romance on the Rocks

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Martinis and Romance, Romance and Martinis. Which came first? And does it even really matter?

I don’t think so.

But what is coming first, middle and last, is Romance on the Rocks. It’s a new blog, yo. With some really great writers of all the things that are sexy and fabulous.

And the theme? You guessed it. Our favorite cocktails! Mine of course is the dirty martini. I love the olive juice as it cuts against the clear liquid. In the beginning, I began with vodka. Because it’s clear and tasteless. But I have since learned to love the gin. But… it has to be a softer gin. Like Boodles or Plymouth. Regardless, I am digging on regular martinis in addition to my dirty ones. Every once in a while, I still bust out the olive juice. But now, I use olives stuffed with blue cheese. I’ve heard of these being called dirty executives. I likey. So Dirty Executive, it is. Regardless of which martini drink you might favor, they are all delish.

Now, crack open a bottle and grab a man or a book and drink, people. Alcohol is the lube of life. And when it comes to Romance, alcohol makes everything go down far more smoothly.

Here’s the link to the fabulous new blog. Romance on the Rocks

Nazi Germany vs Enslaved America

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Too many times there’s confusion about why we can empathize and have compassion for one yet deny the other. We all, North and South, reject flying the Nazi flag, yet entire segments of our population fly the Confederate flag with knowing unconcern. As dichotomies go, this is one that’s in your face and relevant to our current crises situation. And it’s absolutely maddening.

I get it, though.

It’s hard to stare at our shameful past behavior. It’s far easier to peer at another’s shameful behavior with neutrality and a lack of emotional baggage. Impartiality is attainable when you are passing judgment on another. It’s just that simple. We don’t like confronting out history of slavery, much like a child doesn’t like to admit they’re wrong when caught by parents. I don’t want to excuse our social gaffes on the fact that as a country and a people we are fairly young, but in instances like this, that youthfulness is glaring. Because other countries can and do confront past bad acts head on with adult-like responsibility. We just don’t seem to be able.

There is just no other explanation for why we can feel so deeply for the Jewish people and yet behave so scornfully toward black people in America today. And yes I said black people. Call me old school because that’s just how I grew up AND it’s not offensive. Or call me new school because I believe we are all Americans first now and other heritage second. So saying American of African descent or American of Asian descent or American of Hispanic descent or American of the First People, etc., is just too damn long for me. My designation are for brevity. That is all.

As a people, we recoil from the notion of prominently displaying our love for the Nazis of yore. And yes, I realize there is a segment of asshats who go around revering those tenets. In every batch, a few are rotten. But I digress. For far too long, we as a people looked on while really averting our eyes from the evidence of our own sordid past. As if seeing the signs of racism was to somehow acknowledge more than it’s mere historic presence. We can dialogue about our way past, but fuck you if you bring up how it affects our current daily lives. But even as I make that statement, American AP History is currently undergoing a traditional white-wash. And it’s a shame.

We can’t fix something if we don’t acknowledge that a problem exists. And that’s the most frustrating part. Trying to get around misplaced guilt and shame over past behavior is stupid. But to allow that ludicrous behavior to impact how we deal with the dregs of racism is offensive and serves to merely perpetuate our mistakes. We just don’t seem to be able to stop repeating our mistakes of the past. And it’s because we can’t face that past. We can’t look at it head on.

Look, if you think the Civil War didn’t have slavery as a central issue, you are white-washing history. End of. I don’t even want to talk further about it. But this inability to acknowledge what is going on today because it reminds one of that shameful past is criminal. We’re walking around hamstrung as a society. We can’t have a legitimate talk about the situation and possible fixes UNTIL AND UNLESS we say, “hey, institutional racism exists.”

And we were raging racists in our past. And the Civil War was about slavery. And flying the Confederate Flag is the same as flying the Nazi flag. What is hurtful to one group of people is hurtful to the other group of people for many of the same or similar reasons. And it’s that simple. Stop flying the flag that elevates slavery in America’s past as something to continued to be endured by Americans of African descent into today when we would never fly a flag that extolls the virtues of gassing European Jews. It’s a parallel.

If you really look at the heart of the matter, with your eyes and hearts open, you can see that parallel, too.

TSA… You Suck

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Seriously. It’s been almost a decade and a half since 9/11, and you still suck.

Increasingly, the security measures you seem to want to enact are just tedious and unnecessary. Plus, they aren’t really finding any terrorists. Like not one. I’d be willing to endure, yes ENDURE, the stupid routine of removing my shoes and my computer and taking off my jacket only to be x-rayed to show all of my naked glory for the perving pleasure of people who couldn’t get any other job. But noooo, I must also endure the tossing of my cuticle scissors because they might be weapons.

Cuticle scissors, y’all.

Fucking cuticle scissors. From a matched set. Well, it’s not so matched now. Now, my set is missing the scissors I use to take off very tiny pieces of skin.

Does it stop there? Noooo, it does not.

This last time, they wanted me to throw away my wine corkscrew. Because it had a half inch wrapper remover. My corkscrew I was gifted in Tuscany. A trip that I want to remember and have very few momentoes of. But I wasn’t going to be deterred. So I requested to be able to mail the corkscrew to myself.

Is there a streamlined process for mailing shit to myself, you ask, you know, since it’s been almost a decade and a half since 9/11 and the most stupid security measures EVAR being in place of almost as long? Fuck No.

I have to leave the security area, of which I had already passed because they were digging in my bag to find my totally dangerous CORKSCREW. I have to go back out and mail that shit from a shipper who is going to charge me $10 to mail my shit to me. And then I have to go back through security and go to my gate. Is the shipper location prominently displayed? Fuck no. Is anything about this easy? Fuck no.

It’s a fucking mess at TSA. It’s a fucking mess at the private shipper. It’s a fucking mess at airports.

Traveling used to be fun. The plane ride was almost as anticipated as the final destination. It’s not that way anymore. It’s become tedious and something many people DO NOT look forward to. At. All.

Pro-tip TSA: The United States Post Office is also a governmental agency. Find a way for people to be able to drop ship their stuff to themselves from inside the goddamn security area. It can’t be that fucking hard, bitches. But in order to make traveling just little less of an ass pain than its become, you’d have to swirl some shit around in your head and come up with common sense solutions. It’s a skill that TSA has apparently never even thought of. TALK TO THE USPS and make mailing things you consider dangerous to ourselves. Because apparently, postal workers aren’t punk ass bitches and aren’t scared of corkscrews and cuticle scissors even if you are. Make mailing the things that frighten you, TSA, easier. It’s not that hard.

Cuticle scissors and a corkscrew.

Fuck you, TSA, you punk ass bitches.

Call in the USPS. Use your frickin’ common sense and try to make some shit EASIER because all you seem to be able to do is make things more difficult and hard.

 

Calling Out ALL The Jurists

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… who have failed our legal system.

I don’t usually call out my fellow attorneys. But I can’t keep silent any longer. You must act.

We’ve allowed the bones of racism to run unchecked in the judicial system long enough. It must end. You must act. Inaction is legitimizing a system of discrimination that is steep in the law and allows the bones of racism to remain untouched by time and chaining perceptions. And it’s creating havoc in our country. Either be a part of the solution or you are a part of the problem.

I firmly believe that individual prejudices have diminished over time in most of us. Oh sure, there are wingnuts a-plenty, but the vast swath of American humanity has shed these prejudices as we’ve welcomed people of color into our families, acknowledged LGBTQ peeps in our families, and been accepting of individual differences. What hasn’t changed is the structure of racism we’ve had in our society so long most of us have even forgotten they are there. But they are and we are seeing the effects all around us.

Federal Sentencing Guidelines illustrates the remaining bones of racism quite clearly. Crack cocaine is punished at a bout 3 to 1 times longer than powder cocaine. Same chemical compound when viewed under a microscope, but the penalties for each is vastly different. Looking that the sentences, one might conclude that it is fair and doesn’t discriminate. Except when you start to really look at who uses crack cocaine and who uses powder cocaine. Yes, it is almost brightline delineation by race. By and large, one finds crack cocaine in brown and black neighborhoods. But and large, powered cocaine is found in white and yellow neighborhoods. So, wonder no more why there are so many black and brown people in jail. We punish them 3 times longer than we do for the EXACT SAME SUBSTANCE.

And this is just one example of the bones we’ve allowed to remain and grow in our judicial system. And it leads to institutional discrimination. The disparate impact was planned, at worst, and ignored, at best. We’ve been using these guidelines and having them have this disparate impact on people of color for YEARS. And done nothing. We’ve allowed this to fester and flourish. And we are wrong for having done nothing. And this is just ONE example.

There are so many more examples of the bones of racism that remain and which hold up and add structure to the cloak of our humanity, or lack thereof–if we do nothing. By failing to act, we’ve become complicit is supporting the bones of that discrimination. As our social perceptions have changed, we did nothing to get rid of all the ways smart societies use to hold back discrete groups of persons. And in American, it shouldn’t have been acceptable before. It isn’t acceptable now. And if we do nothing, then we also become complicit in the tinderbox our country will become as push comes to shove.

Being Asian Doesn’t Make Me ….

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More like white women. It does statistically mean I will fall more within their range than any other women of color. Asians are punished less, in schools and by police. It’s part of the cultural stereotype.

But it hides a far more insidious comparison, one that most people don’t even realize. And it revolves around Asian sexuality. Isn’t it funny how Asian men are seen as emasculated or feminine or some other way softer? Even though we have ninja movies, karate movies, we know about Genghis Khan, mobs like the Triad and the like, we don’t see Asian men as testosterone-laden threats. And it shows up in arrest numbers and incarceration numbers. Cops just don’t generally pull over clean cut Asian dudes. Not like the black guys that drive.

At the same time, Asian women are highly sexualized. And not in a good way. We are desired because we look like prepubescent boys for far longer than any other ethnicity. Men go to Asia not just to fuck and marry little girls, they’re are those that just want a woman who looks like little girl. The mount of human trafficking of Asian women is out of this world. It seems the entire world of men are obsessed with women who look like little girls. And my Asian sisters bear the brunt of this desire.

Don’t get me wrong, other ethnicities are sexualized as well. Think of the media’s portrayal of the lush, overblown Latina. Or the strong, loud black woman who will break you with her punanai. But there is an insidious sickness when male eyes turn toward Asian women, you know those of us who look like we’re twelve even when we’re thirty. Subservience isn’t just expected, it’s demanded. And having a child-like or a real  girl child as your sexual partner means you can treat them as children all the while fucking them to death. In many parts of the world, Asian girls are discarded as unwanted only to be swooped up by the predators who know just who to  tap. I’ve heard there are entire travel industries set up for Western men to go a pick up a young Asian girl, whether in fact or in looks.

And when we finally get a voice to stalk about some stuff, are we heard on our own? No, we get lumped in with the white girls. Now, I’m not dissing my light skinned sisters, but seriously? Do you even know what it’s like to not know math in a group of math overachievers? And I say that tongue in cheek. But you have no idea how many stereotypes I have to wade through each day just to get to my preferred endeavor with words.

I get why so many of my feminist brothers and sisters tend to lump us in with the white girls. In many ways, we escape the stigma of having darker colored skin. As we’ve seen recently, being black in America can be a dangerous thing. Asian women  and men generally escape this portion of the discrimination our country seems to want to mete out. But I gotta tell you, as Asian women, we only get the benefit of being lumped together with the white girls… until we don’t.

We’re largely ignored in the larger feminist dialogue. So we’ve become the invisible women wanting to know when it’ll be our time to shine, to have our fears voiced and our concerns addressed.

Kids vs. Adults

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Rehabilitation vs. Retribution

We’ve failed our kids. We’ve lied to them, too. And we’ve done it with hate in our hearts.

If there is one area where modern day lack of empathy meets the weakest amongst us, children as a group would be high on the list  and smack dab in the area that houses those who must rely on the goodwill of others. The protection of those stronger and more powerful than them. Kids. Little ones. And the not so little ones. The in-betweeners.

We’ve broken our social contract with the young people in our world. We promised to hold them to a lesser standard of behavior in return for limiting their freedoms in certain areas. We did this rationalizing that these kids weren’t mature enough to engage in activities usually reserved for adults. And in return, we promised, explicitly and implicitly, we would treat them as less culpable when they did mess up. Instead, we’ve limited their freedoms and then turned around and held them to adult standards of care. And it’s unconscionable. That means it’s fucking wrong. Not just a little wrong, but FUCKING wrong.

And they can’t even vote to change our rules.

At this point, I’m willing to lift all age-based restrictions across the board. Because we have already lifted age-based criminal and civl penalties.  As in, we don’t care if you’re a kid, we’re going to treat you like you’re an adult with adult minds and adult judgment and adult thought processes. We won’t make allowances for your immature brain, your actual age or any other factor that might determine you aren’t or shouldn’t be held as responsible as a 30 yr old adult.

So our kids get screwed. They can’t engage fully in our democracy and yet they bear the full brunt of the consequences of doing so, just like a regular adult would. Even though that adult had a say in the laws enacted in her community, even though that person participated fully in their democracy.

It’s time to end age based restrictions. Because we’ve become a blood-thritsty society unwilling to honor our social contract with our young ones, and unable to see the hypocrisy every time we ask juveniles to be tried to treated as adults.

Hypocrites, the lot of us.

And con’t get me started on all the ways we ensure our kids who do mess up are never full members of our society. We prevent them from getting into school with these draconian adult based sentences and punishments that follow them FOREVER. Yet, once your’e an adult and have your degrees and your career, you can smoke crack and hire prostitutes and bankrupt corporations and cause banking failures… you get to keep all that and can return once more to do it all over again.

We are eating our young ones. And the cannibalizing  needs to stop. Either put up or shut up. Either our kids are too young and too stupid to fully appreciate what they are doing- can’t drink, can’t smoke, what do you do…, or they aren’t and we need to lift age-based restrictions of all kinds. Because quite frankly, if we’re going to hold them to adult standards when they fuck up, we should be willing to let them enjoy all the good parts of those exact same adult standards.

Stop the hypocrisy.

Sabbaticals, Holidays and Days Away

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We’ve lost something. Our modern selves. We lost time for ourselves. For being. For breathing. Recharging. Rejuvenating and just plain refreshing ourselves.

The Europeans have something in their yearly holiday. A month long. It’s a length of time almost unheard of and certainly not contemplate-able to most Americans. It’s also the absolute minimum amount of time I think one needs to reset one’s mind and reintegrate back to our real selves. I want to say true self, but each of our selves are true. Only one is real at it’s core. And that’s the one who emerges when completely stress free and, paradoxically, the one who emerges when under tremendous street.

Don’t get me wrong, our short, frantic time away helps our brains, but not enough. Once a year, for mental health reasons and purposes, we need to unplug from the everyday and take the time feed our need for periodic periods of rest. It’s why we can’t survive without sleep in a much shorter time than we can live without food. Our brains must recharge. And we will die if we don’t get at least some form of rest everyday. In a much larger scale, this need is correlative on a yearly basis. And no we won’t die if we don’t get a month long vakay every year. But doesn’t a portion of us wither? Atrophy? Emaciate?

And most of us know this. We look with longing at those of our compatriots across the pond. While we shake our head not understanding how one can just get away for a whole month, we secretly wish it were us taking the leisure train straight to a hot beach. And now for the truly revolutionary… every decade or so, we should take half a year… at least.

I know, right?

Holy shit.  A half a year? Away from our everyday life? From the mundane? The routine?

Never. Impossible. Financially not feasible.

So not true. IF you plan a decade out, it can happen. If this became something we all did, it could be planned for in advance. Using that time to further our personal or professional goals would be fabulous. Finding something new to spark your passion and your mind would be even better. Stretching and reaching to become the person you were always meant to be. Paint, learn an instrument, travel, learn a new language, go back an get a degree or finish a degree, volunteer at home or abroad. The possibilities are endless.

All of this means you are a better person in your everyday life. Insights gleaned during these periods of discovery and rejuvenation can be incorporated into one’s life with really positive impact. Everybody you touch will be richer for it. Most especially yourself.

Things Readers SHOULD Ask Authors

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Look if you’re a reader, ask me anything. I don’t care. I want your questions. I want your insights. I want your responses. And I’ll respond back. If I don’t, it’s because I didn’t see it. Bring it to my attention. I love interaction. LOVE. It. Authors who don’t like to interact with readers are like dinosaurs. They’re gonna get extinct. Usually, by human action.

So, totally tongue-in-cheek. Because apparently, there are bitch writers out there. I’m a bitch. But not a bitch writer. Totally different, yo. So, totally tongue-in-cheek, here are 5 questions you SHOULD ask your (un)favorite author. 😉

1. Do you write naked? ‘Cause you laid some shit out in the book that maybe would’ve been better off covered. Author, cover they self so you can cover yourself in your work.

2. Did you steal that one great story idea, because all your other story ideas kinda suck?

3. You’ve never has sex have you? Because have you TRIED what you’ve written about? Only a total noob to fucking would write a sex scene like that.

4. You paid someone to publish your book, didn’t you?

5. Did your mom buy all those books that Amazon lists as sold?

Now, I know I’m going to get some shit for this. But seriously? Being polite costs nothing. Being a dick? Everything. Don’t be a dick!

Random Thoughts: NFL, Cops and more

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It’s been a while since I’ve done random thoughts, but I’ve had a few and so here I am sharing… randomly. lol

The NFL has been in the headlines a lot lately. And I’ve got mixed feeling about what’s going on. But here are some of my thoughts in no particular order. Is it any surprise that an industry that promotes violence is plagued by violence off the field as well? It reminds me of the Siegfried and Roy’s tiger attacks. Nobody blamed the tiger. As Chris Rock said, “the tiger went tiger.” In other words, the tiger wasn’t doing anything the tiger wasn’t supposed to be doing and would normally be found doing; i.e., biting the shit out of people who are bugging the hell out of them. So, here we have NFL players who are doing what they are paid a LOT of money to do, for weeks at a time. And it found its way off the field. Is it right? No. Not even a little bit. Because even though the tiger went tiger, NFL players are human beings with higher reasoning and the ability to do the opposite of what they would normally be found doing. Second thought, do the players have to pay for their mistakes and/or crimes forever? For the rest of their lives? For the rest of their ability to play? For how long? In no other industry- banking, legal, health, etc.- do we require that people who are let go for personal misconduct never be allowed to work in that industry again. Personal misconduct, y’all. Conduct not related to their work.  They didn’t embezzle; they didn’t do anything bad work-related. I’m not sure that’s something I can agree with. Now, before you scream in protest, think about it in the context of yourself. How would you like if your boss could fire you for something you did not at work and then prevent you from working in that industry ever again? Fair? Right? See why I’ve got mixed feelings?

Back to cops. Is it just me or have American citizens become the target of trigger happy police officers? Ferguson, South Carolina, Florida. It just goes on. I want to advocate buying one of those dash cams for all citizens because it just seems like unless you’ve recorded the incident, the police spin that shit like they’re caterpillars turning into butterflies. Only what emerges at the end of their spinning is not so beautiful. In fact, it’s down right ugly. But, holy fuckbills, Batman… really, have we come to the point of NEEDING to record our interactions with cops? Apparently yes. Many police departments are turning to body cams for just this reason. And bad public-police interactions in those departments have decreased. But seriously, there is a real problem if the public needs recordings to protect themselves from law enforcement. And it needs to be fixed. Pronto. We can’t be secure in our persons or our homes or anywhere really, if we can’t trust those public servants who we as a community have chosen to arm in order for said officers to better protect us. Our shield, previously used to guard us, has been turned into a sword taking us down and out. It must be stopped.

There is a scandal going on with some judges taking kick backs to place juveniles into these privately run facilities. Jaysus. What the hell is the world coming to? Screwing over kids to get rich. I guess that’s not a new thing, but it offends me that judges are on the take and subverting justice in this way. One of the problems is electing judges. When you put politics and money into electing your judicial officers, you are screwing yourself over. I don’t know which special interest group got you and your fellow neighbors to okay elected judges, but they deliberately fucked you. They knew you didn’t have the money to elect good, fair judges. These companies and special interest groups KNEW you couldn’t defend against THEIR choice in judges. They knew that. And they sold it to the public by telling them that they wouldn’t have shitty, incompetent judges if those judges knew they could be elected out. They never pointed out who would be elected in. Now, I’m not for shitty, incompetent judges. But I would rather have a bumbling buffoon who can be reversed on appeal then smart, paid-for-by-special interest group judges who can insulate their bought opinions from review. The dumb ones get reversed because they don’t normally hide their errors. The smart ones ,well the damage that can be done in those cases? Astronomical. In Alaska, we do a huge survey after names are placed into a pot for a judicial vacancy, then several of the best candidates are put forward. And THEN they go up for re-election. Appointment- impartial choosing of names, followed by election to allow for more accountability. Every state should start out this way. Otherwise, you end up with bought and paid for judges. So not a good thing. So.

#YesAllWomen

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This post will likely contain some triggery shit. You have been warned.

Not all men are dicks. All women have been threatened by those with dicks, however.

Not all men rape. All women live in the fear of being raped.

Not all men are domestically violent. All women are aware that statistically women will have violence done to them in their home.

All women. Everywhere. Live in the shadow of violence done to them by men. No, not all men. But even one can cut a swath through the female population. More than one? Shit, the numbers of women they will touch with violence exponentially increases. Every. Fucking. Woman.  Yes, all women.

My first touch that was inappropriate happened when I was 11 or 12. A much older man laid his body on top of mine while I slept. I woke up to being suffocated by a large male body. He was the husband of one of my mom’s friend. But that isn’t my first experience with having my body, me sexualized. That happened when I was about 8. I was told that his dick would go so far up into me that it would take up the space of most of my torso. And I’m writing this in a much nicer way than it was told to me. Seriously. The words he said shocked me. So much so that I’ve NEVER forgotten it.

An 8 year old girl should never be sexualized. I was. And I know I’m not alone.

Another occurrence that stuck in my mind occurred when I spent a summer in Paris. I was followed for several blocks by a man. I couldn’t go home because I didn’t want to lead him to where I was living. Me, alone in a foreign country, scared shitless. So I kept walking and SCREAMING at the top of my lungs hoping that my noise, my screams would protect me. Even then, I KNEW it wouldn’t be enough. So I stayed in crowded areas until about 45 minutes later, he stopped following me. He stopped. No one stopped him. No one came to my aid. No one.

Every time a women goes out with a man, she takes her life into her hands. Every. Single. Time.

Crazy doesn’t wear itself on the outside. Violent men don’t show their violent faces until they do. And it could be on the first date, the second anniversary, or a post-divorce party. Women don’t know they are going to be the target until they are. Sure, there are signs SOME men put out. We avoided those guys like the plague. It’s the ones that pass as normal. That pass as “normal.”

So, dudes, I get that you don’t want to be painted with a brush of violence that seems to be so pervasive amongst your gender. But when you defend YOURSELF with #notallmen, instead of acknowledging #yesallwomen, in essence you are doing some violence by dismissing, deflecting and defending men and marginalizing women.

So, shut the fuck up. And listen.

No, not all men. But one is too many. Because yes, ALL WOMEN.